Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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