I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
