Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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