Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize