Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Randomize
