Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
This is the high leading the old right now
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
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