so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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