Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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