Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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