If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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