so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
