Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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