We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
