I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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