I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
What drink are we having for lunch?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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