You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
