If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Randomize
