Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
not ubering you a puppy
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
