I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
