Please, let me fuck your mom
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
