ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I want to be your penis for a week.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
