God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
My feet surprised me
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