Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
smell my finger.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Randomize
