so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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