she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
