so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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