remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize