Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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