We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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