Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
this hospital has no fireball
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
