Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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