I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
