I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
