last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
