No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
