Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
