Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize