Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
