I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
