i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
