I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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