the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I love having hate sex.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
