When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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