my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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