I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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