I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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