erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
