whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
