party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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