ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
