you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize