I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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