break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
