rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
