Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
