____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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