you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
