Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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