I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
