I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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