I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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