im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
me + whiskey = a bad person
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
