I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
