his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
