I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
