New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize