history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
