She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Randomize
