I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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