biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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