i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
The struggles of a small town man whore
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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