i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
