Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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