i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
