I skipped work to stalk him.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
