a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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