I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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