Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
