Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
