Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Shitshow foam night was such a success
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
