I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
