Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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