And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
