You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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