I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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