His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
