Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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