I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
