ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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