oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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