so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
