Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
