long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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