Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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