i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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