I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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