I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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