but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
