just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
