Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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