Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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