if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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