i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
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