I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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