Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
