I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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