That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
