i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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