i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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